Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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