I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My vagina is officially offended.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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