none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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