Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
