I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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