you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
