but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
