If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
