my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize