your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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