does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
