Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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