I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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