Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
