someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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