I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
