Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
