OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Randomize
