when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you would pick up someone in the library
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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