Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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