ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
wakey wakey hands off snakey
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
