why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
