I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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