at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
