i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
