Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize