I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
