Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
