You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
