Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
