we made out on top of his cat.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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