My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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