would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
