u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize