just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
