Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
