you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
