girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
