here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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