what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
