Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
