i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
