First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
