Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
