she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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