so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
