So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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