You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
