i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
