i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
