When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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