whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
