...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
