i don't like sucking hair
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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