Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
