my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
