I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
