final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize