She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Pooping to opera.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
