you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
