either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
