Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
