i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
