Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
