I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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