life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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