i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
