Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
