whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
