I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize