I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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