I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
