I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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